Moving abroad is exciting, but it can also feel incredibly isolating—especially when you’re navigating pregnancy, early parenthood, or life with young children in a new culture. When my family moved to Frankfurt, I quickly learned that building a village abroad doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, sometimes awkward, deeply human process. But it’s also one of the most meaningful parts of expat life.

If you’re an international parent in Germany wondering how to find your people, I hope my story helps you feel less alone—and gives you a few ideas for where to begin.

The Early Days: Overwhelm, Loneliness, and the Dairy Aisle

We arrived in Frankfurt in November—dark, cold, rainy. My husband started work immediately and stepped into an instant community. Meanwhile, I was walking the dog through unfamiliar streets, trying to decode grocery labels with Google Translate and wondering why the dairy aisle had so many mysterious products (Schmand, Quark… what was happening?).

I felt lonely. I felt overwhelmed. And I had no idea how to start building a community in Germany.

Where My Village Began

My first real connections came through something simple: German class. Sitting in a room full of people who were also confused, also learning, also trying—it created a sense of belonging I didn’t expect. We were all clueless together, and that mattered.

From there, I pushed myself to try things that felt uncomfortable:

• international meetups

• “new to Frankfurt” gatherings

• events for expats

• blind‑date style coffee meetups

One of my earliest friendships started when I invited a woman I’d just met at a Meetup event to come over while I baked cookies for a bachelorette party for my friend Kaite (she had moved to Berlin two years ahead of us and was also from Seattle).  She ended up helping me decorate penis‑shaped cookies without blinking. That’s when I knew: okay, this is my kind of person. We will definitely be friends!

Community grows in the most unexpected ways.

Pregnancy & Parenthood: A Natural Gateway to Connection

Some of the strongest roots of my village came later, when I was pregnant. We joined an English‑speaking prenatal class at the last minute and met six other couples. Years later, we’re still close. Our kids are growing up like cousins. We take an annual weekend trip together. We don’t see each other every week, but the connection is deep and steady.

Shared experiences—pregnancy, early parenthood, language learning, being new—create natural openings for friendship. You don’t have to force it. You just have to show up.

International Friendships Matter (and They’re Not “Cheating”)

When I first moved here, I avoided American groups because I didn’t want to fall into an expat bubble. I wanted to learn German, integrate, and build a life that felt rooted in the culture around me.

But over time, I realized something important:

You can integrate into Germany AND still crave the comfort of people who understand your holidays, humor, and cultural shorthand.

There’s something special about celebrating Thanksgiving with people who know exactly what stuffing should taste like.

And yes—I do have German friends. But most of them are partnered with internationals, which means they understand the cross‑cultural dance. Making local friends is possible, but it often takes more time, more language skills, and more patience.

Putting Yourself Out There (Even When It’s Hard)

Building a village abroad requires bravery. You have to:

• go to events alone

• say yes to invitations

• initiate the coffee date

• accept that some “friend dates” won’t click

• try again anyway

It’s a lot like dating. Vibes matter. Sometimes everything looks perfect on paper—your kids are the same age, you live nearby, you share interests—and yet the connection just isn’t there. That’s okay. Keep going.

Letting Your Village Evolve

One of my favorite reflections of our community is our annual apple harvest party at the orchard we inherited from my husband’s family. Friends—old, new, local, international—come together once a year. Some we see often, others only at this event. But they still show up. They still make the drive. They’re still part of our story.

That’s the thing about building a village abroad: it doesn’t have to look like the one you left behind. It can be messy, slow, surprising, and beautifully diverse. It can be made of people who drift in and out, people who stay for years, and people who move away but remain part of your heart.

What matters is that you keep reaching out. Keep showing up. Keep letting yourself be seen.

Because somewhere out there—maybe in a German class, a prenatal group, a meetup, or over a tray of questionable bachelorette cookies—your village is waiting.

To hear more about my journey and how my friend CJ managed this transition check out this episode of our podcast, Expecting Expats.